I wanted a place to share testimonies....so I thought this may be a place where I can start sharing my own story with you of how the Lord worked in my heart before going to Uganda in 2008. So, in retrospect, I want to give you a little taste of my experience there and the ways the Lord was incredibly upon my trip there. I will begin with the few days prior to my trip and the journals I found when reminiscing of my days in Uganda......I pray you will be blessed in some way as you read my personal journals of Uganda.
Written at my apartment in California....before Uganda:
Dec. 25, 2007 10:17am
I was up until 4am this morning cleaning up WATER that overflowed from my wash machine after I tried to connect it myself. My BRAND NEW PLACE was soaked with water all over the floor!!!! I felt already completely stretched beyond my limits and now this is happening!!! The only thing I think is that the Lord is preparing me for Uganda and the things He will be doing to stretch me there.
I know this is an act of obedience to the LORD to be journaling so I dedicate this journal and everything I write to the LORD Jesus Christ. I need Him SO much right now. I am so weak and tired and empty without Him. I do not know how He is going to come through for me with all my prayers I have lifted and all my desires.
Right now, I lay all my desires before You Oh Lord. You are my heart's desire and only You. Whatever in my life you are planning, I want you to know I trust you. I am walking with you to the end. Just please keep holding my hand.
If it was up to me, I would be so lost right now. I need your guidance and strength. I seek whatever You have for me to be blessed. Please, Lord do not let me make my own way for myself. I want my life to be your way, not my own. I lay ALL my desire before You. I o not count my life dear unto myself. It is nothing to me to give it all to You. I hope in You, Oh Lord in all things. Please Lord, have your way.
I have cried and set all of my heart out before You Lord, so many times. I am dry right now of tears. I just have to keep abiding in You and waiting upon You. Help me Lord, to delight more in you. I give my life to you again today as a Birthday gift for you, Jesus. You are my Gift of highest value. Help me to treasure You and honor You high in my heart and set You above all else, that I might gain You. I love You so much. I want you to be so close to me in this life that I hear you in everything and see you in everything and feel you so close to me.
Please, exalt Your highest will for me in this life whether it is to live or die for your Name. I am ready to be poured out. I feel you are pouring me out more and more and all I ask is that when I am empty, please fill me with You. When I am dry, please be the drink I desire. Laughter is good, but LORD help me to know You and please You more in all things. Let your Joy be my strength today. Help me to see You more clearly. I need you so desperately. I am NOTHING without You.
Please help me in preparation to go to Uganda. It is all for LOVE that I desire to go. Just please help me to love you like Jacob loved Rachel SO much and waited and worked for her with NO contact for 7 years and it was like only a few days to him because of the love he had for her in his heart. I want to love You like that, Oh Lord. I ask you Lord to help the people of Uganda to see you inside of me. Please Lord, send me to be Your vessel there. I want to ask LORD that You please help me to build strong ties there with the people. Help me to have deep relationships built with the people there with a love so pure and so strong between us that could only come from You. I do not want to go there and not connect with people. I go there to be brought near to those who are near to you. Please LORD help me not to miss anyone or anything you have for me. In every circumstance, please give me Your burdens and Your heart there. Let Your Name be lifted high in my life and not my own.
May the people of Uganda praise You for all You have brought in answer to their cries for help. Please Lord, help us to hear their cries. Show us their cries for help and please help us to be equipped to bring them what they need. I want to do ALL you have me to do there. Please Lord, overwhelm me with You. May I be so full of You that it is no more I who lives, but Christ Jesus in me. Unite my heart to hear their cries. Please Lord, burden my heart with your burdens for them. Break my heart to bleed and cry with them and on their behalf so we can be united in our cry to Your Holy THRONE! Please set my heart on FIRE to reach them. I just want them to know You hear them.
Please do something eternal with this trip....with every part of it. Please bless ALL who have labored into this harvest with me. Show yourself strong on their behalf. Thank You so much for all those people who love you that you have brought me as my family. I love all my brothers and sisters in You SO much. Please draw us closer and fill us with your burning love for one another and for the lost all around us. Let us be pure in our love for one another and may all of our motives be pure.
Lord, let me be an offering that pleases You. I want to bring a fragrance that will bless You and please You. Please Lord, do something HUGE with all the love that you have placed in my heart. Let it be directed where you desire it to go. May each brush-stroke of my life be painting a masterpiece that one day I will stand with you and see why all the colors never made any sense to me. Lord, I want to see the work happening during all the times I thought I was suffering in vain. I want to see the other side of the picture SO beautiful - a masterpiece - that will make all of heaven rejoice to see. May it all be brought forth to bring glory to You. LORD, make every stroke of the brush to be working in Your favor so that one day, even if itis not here on this earth, I will understand it all clearly.
Your ways are so HIGH. Please design Your highest plan for my life. I love you SO much. Be glorified today. Thank you for choosing me. I am so honored to be Your lady....I wait for YOU....I love YOU....And You are so good to me. I could not ask you for more. All of me is Yours. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Love,
Tabitha
This is so encouraging because I remember when the Lord first saved me and I started writing down all the beautiful things that He was doing in my life! I had shoe boxes full of notebooks that I had filled up with with love letters to my Lord. It got to be too much for me to keep up with all that He was doing in my life so I stopped, but your journal entry here makes me want to start again. May He continue to bless and lead you in His marvelous ways!
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